i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
