So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
