the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why do cheetos always look like penises
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
