watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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