Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
