I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
