Where did you get a picture of my penis
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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