just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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