I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
