How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude. I can hear the air.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
