he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
