Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
