Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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