I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize