evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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