Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
