new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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