Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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