I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
