I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
