No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
