you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
