so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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