guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
