WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
