How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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