Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
