my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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