Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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