I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
