Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
