Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
