do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
