Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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