That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
