3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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