I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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