Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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