Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
