I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
