I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
