can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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