I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
