is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize