there were more penises there than on chat roulette
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
