So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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