it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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