forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
