Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
