So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
