I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
