Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
