Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
