I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
