FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
