Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
