I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
