just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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