8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
