as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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