I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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