this boner is exhausting
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
