I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize