I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
