Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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