I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
