What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
