she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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