Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
