just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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