does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
