My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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