My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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