He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
