i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
third nipple confirmed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
